Unfiltered Truth: Women and Confidence 

Hey beauties,

It’s been a minute. The family and I have officially relocated to Kentucky, (for those who don’t know, my husband accepted a coaching position with the football team at Western Kentucky University a few months back) so over the last month I’ve been in the thick of packing up our home in FL, moving, and unpacking here in Kentucky. I’m finally feeling settled-ish and couldn’t wait to get back to blogging about all of the things.

Today I want to chat about the unfiltered truth about women and confidence (or lack thereof). Confidence is NOT one dimensional, but for the purpose of today’s blog I would like to talk about the looming lack of self-confidence prevalent amongst women online, that is often disguised as “confidence” and continues to perpetuate and push perfection and other unrealistic societal standards of beauty. It’s a sad reality, but there are many women who will not post a photo of themselves unless it’s been carefully edited, filtered, or photoshopped to make themselves appear more “beautiful”. Not realizing that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. Also not fully understanding the toll it takes on one’s self-confidence to not be able to see themselves as beautiful outside of an editing process. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again and again, filters are not reality. In this case, photo and video filters are not reality. I don’t care how smooth or perfect it makes your skin look, or how white they make your teeth appear, what features are being slimmed or augmented at the click of a button– when you see yourself that way, constantly, and then you have to look at a different version of yourself in the mirror every day, the real you, your self-confidence takes a hit. Subconsciously, you now have to compete with the unrealistic version of yourself that you put out there to the world, now pitted against the woman staring back at you in the mirror. That is not a fair fight. One of you actually exist and the other does not.  Though this isn’t an anti-photo-filter campaign, it wouldn’t be Unfiltered Womanhood if I didn’t advise women to proceed with caution when unrealistically filtering and editing images of themselves. I’m always going to advocate for the woman in the mirror. She is real, she is raw, she has flaws, but she is beautiful, and she deserves to feel good about herself. I can recall several occasions where I’ve either taken photos of or been in photos with a woman(women), who are both externally and most importantly internally beautiful and they immediately tear themselves down upon seeing the photo, “ew” “I look gross” “disgusting” “I need to lose weight” “put a filter on it” “put an emoji over my face” “crop me out” “don’t post this” and the list goes on. We’ve all fallen victim at some point or another to our own insecurities, but you don’t have to rent a space and live there. Don’t you dare look at yourself as you are and tear yourself down. It’s okay to want to make healthy changes or even change up your look, but it’s not okay to beat yourself up in the process. We as women can overcome the pressure of thinking we need to look perfect in order to be beautiful. We as women can choose to chart forward and define or redefine what beauty is and means to us and gain a lot of confidence along the journey.

Below I’ve listed a five tips that I know to be helpful on the unfiltered journey to feeling good and confident about yourself. I’d like to reiterate the word journey, as a reminder that nothing happens overnight and to acknowledge that we all have our days. But I guarantee you, if you make a habit of the tips listed below and incorporate them into your lifestyle, you’ll notice really incredible changes throughout your journey, and even on your not-so-great days, you’ll have these habits to remind you, of who you are.

1.    Accept – True confidence in oneself or one’s appearance starts with acceptance. The woman staring back at you in the mirror, longs to be accepted by you. She deserves it. She’s worked hard to be here, lived a lot of life, ups and downs, and look… she’s still standing and so worthy of belonging right where she is. Self-acceptance is as much mental and spiritual, as it is physical. This takes knowing, believing, and being.

2.  Embrace – The art of embracement is a game changer. Love yourself. Embrace all that makes you, you. The strengths, the weaknesses, the beauty, and the scars. Get rid of the negative self-talk that begets negative energy. Show yourself some compassion. Be kind to yourself. Compliment yourself. Be your own best friend. You’d never speak to your best friend in a hurtful or harmful way, so don’t speak to yourself that way. Celebrate yourself, every gain, every small win, and every inch of progress. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak positive affirmations. I challenge every single person reading right now to embrace yourself every single day.

3. Enhance – The word enhance means to improve upon. So, ask yourself how can I improve upon what’s already there? I would recommend starting with self-care. For some that might mean getting your hair done once a month. For others you might like having nicely manicured nails that you can have done regularly. Or maybe you’re good at doing your own grooming and keeping up with yourself at home? Which is great (I’ve done a lot of my own upkeep through the years). Whatever it is you like to do for yourself, however it is you like to see yourself, I would suggest being consistent and to wisely keep up with your maintenance. Wisely being the key word there, sis. Don’t go spending money that’s meant for something else. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn to do for yourself, at home, on YouTube. I’ve learned how to do a ton (my hair, skincare, makeup etc), so I know it’s possible. Speaking of makeup—having a simple and go to makeup routine to add a little glam to your life is a quick and easy way to enhance some of those gorgeous features that are already there. Even on days when I’m makeup free (which is often) I’ll pop on some mascara, do a brow-fill, and lip gloss and instantly get a little pep in my step. Also, cultivating and honing your own style can help you to feel more confident about the woman staring back at you in the mirror. Style transcends and transforms. Make discovering your style a personal mission (pro tip- Pinterest).

4. Health and Wellness – take care of yourself. Health is wealth in more ways than one. Make sure you’re getting enough rest and sleep at night. This means putting the phone down (DND), turning the TV off, and sleeping. Watching what we eat and having things we really enjoy (all the good stuff) in moderation is another way to begin to feel good from the inside out. Make sure you’re drinking enough water and I would also recommend vitamins and supplements. Regular exercise is great for the mind and the body. I strongly believe and know that the better we feel internally, the better we feel about ourselves externally.

5. Soul work – Nothing compares to the confidence you feel when you beautify your soul. Soul work emphasizes the importance of inner beauty. When you engage in soul work you focus on healing and nurturing your inner self, which can help with self-image and give a greater sense of confidence. A few of my favorite practices are prayer, devotionals, scripture reading, meditation, and mindfulness.

The unfiltered truth about confidence is that it shines from the inside out, not the other way around.

I love you for reading and being a part of the unfiltered community! 

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